Camp Courage Sacramento


“Camp Courage Sacramento was and inspirational and transformative weekend for me.”

Hearing that statement from a Camp Courage attendee is nothing new. However, for me, it carries an entirely different meaning as this was not my first Camp. After attending the Camp Courage in East LA and seeing a number of my friends share the experience with their families, I immediately ran home and signed up to come to the Camp in Sacramento with my Mom and Dad. See, I grew up in Sacramento and moved to LA for college and have stayed there ever since. When I first came out to my parents, they were very supportive. However, I, like many young LGBT people was still either too nervous or too ashamed to fully share my life with them. It took me a good 3-4 years before I was comfortable enough with myself to share the details of my life, my cause, and my relationships with those I was close to. Slowly, that changed for me as I started to fight for LGBT rights and that shame dissipated. The result is that I am now as closer to my family than I have ever been and the culmination of this was brining my parents to Camp Courage.

The weekend played out as most Camp Courage’s do – effectively teaching hard and soft skills, educating participants on where the movement stands and inspiring action. Having been through Camp before, the main focus for me this weekend was on my parents and how they were feeling and what they were learning. And they genuinely seemed to enjoy themselves and were really engaged in the materials. However, for me, the crowning moment came on the car ride home. My Dad told me he had three reflections on Camp and what he had learned there that I will share with you now:

1 – He had no idea the pain that LGBT people had felt over discrimination and losing initiatives like Proposition 8 and Question 1 until he saw people speaking about them openly and honestly at the Camp. See, I have always been a more stoic, let’s “focus on what we can do in the future” type of person, so for my Mom and Dad, they had never truly appreciated the pain this had inflicted on our community until they heard the stories of personal pain from others.

2 – My Dad shared with me his “Story of Self.” He had a gay cousin who had died of AIDS when my Dad was in his 20s. He had a lesbian sister who had come out to him and was now married with her wife. And he had me, his gay son, who was fighting for equality and who he hoped could one day get married in front of friends and family. LGBT issues had slowly intertwined their way thought his life and had always handled them decently (very supportive of me and his sister), but now realized his previous actions had been woefully inadequate and that he could no longer sit on the sidelines while people he cared about suffered and were discriminated against.

3 – He needed to get involved today. He wanted to sign up to canvass and to join California Faith for Equality, provided they had a means for him to contribute to meaningful action.

As stoic as I may be, I found myself fighting back tears as my Dad related this to me and my Mom agreed with him. Then at dinner, as my Dad related to other family members what he had learned and why it was so important for us to proactively work for change – I fully understood the importance of Camp Courage. Yes, it is a great experience for LGBT leaders and organizers. However, I missed an important opportunity in East LA, when I went to Camp but neglected to recruit my straight friends and family in LA to attend with me. This experience is not just a meaningful skills training for gay people - it is an opportunity to teach, empower and share ourselves and our struggle more fully with friends, straight allies and family. It is an opportunity to bring new faces and perspectives into the fight for equality.

And perhaps within this there is a greater lesson for our movement. Winning true equality in CA and beyond is going to be complex and will take a lot of hard work. It is not something we can win on our own, but we will need the help of those people who love and support us. And much the same way, my Dad now realizes that his response to his LGBT family was good, but inadequate – I realize my work during Proposition 8 was the same. I was happy to call voters, fundraise money and talk to strangers – yet I neglected to have real conversations with the people I could most easily move on the issue. The Briggs initiative was largely defeated by LGBT people “coming out” and talking to their friends and family. Winning marriage equality will require us to do the same thing. No longer can we be afraid that we might cause some discomfort with friends, family or strangers by having candid conversations about why we NEED equality. That discomfort is not because of anything that is wrong with us, but is because of a lack of knowledge or familiarity on the part of others. And if we are too scared or too ashamed to push through those difficult moments and make this an issue that can be a normal and comfortable part of conversation, then we are doomed to keep failing at the ballot box no matter how good our commercials are and how flawless our field campaign is.

So thank you again to Courage Campaign for all they do with these Camps. They are giving us the skills and the keys to gain full equality in California and beyond. And now, it is up to us to use them.

President Elect Obama made a poor decision yesterday when he chose Evangelical Reverand Rick Warren of Orange County, CA., as the spiritual speaker of his historical inauguration. When Pastor Rick Warren was asked to clarify a statement -- if he actually equates same-sex marriage with incest, pedophilia and polygamy -- his answer was direct and unequivocal: "Oh, I do."

As a US President, Obama cannot please everyone and he will have to walk a fine line to keep everyone supporting him and I understand that. What I can't understand is the message he is sending to the last unprotected minority group yet to receive equal protection under our Federal and State laws. The Gay population. A group that solidly backed his campaign and helped to make him the next US President? This is the thanks he gives?

This is a huge blow to a group of people's lives and civil rights that religious extremists have vowed to make sure gays don't receive. This isn't even about marriage--it's about equality and Obama is smart enough to know that. This is a shameful political move and Obama is trying to broaden his support base to include evangelical Republicans. Reaching across the aisle so to speak. It's just political strategy as usual, BUT it comes at the expense of a minority group of people who worked tirelessly to get him into office. Not to mention a minority group of people who are publicly discriminated against and not protected under the law in the majority of this country.

If this sort of incident came at the expense of Jews or Blacks in 2008, people would be outraged. But gays? Different story every time. Unfortunately. One day I hope people will wake up to realize that even if same sex marriages become legal in California (for good!) the people in these marriages will have no protection under the law in 40 out of our 50 states. This means that if a Californian same sex couple who is married should be transferred in their job to another state, there is a good chance they will end up in a state where they have no rights or protection for their family or their children or their joint assets. This is the bigger issue here. Their family and marriage will no longer exist under the law! What happens then? We don't even have an answer to that! Why should these citizens who are not protected under their states law's be paying the same state taxes as everyone else? If a gay couple's home and/or property is not even going to be protected should something happen, then why are they paying the same taxes as everyone else who's families and properties and assets are protected? This is called Separate and Not Equal. Again, this is not about marriage nor religious beliefs. We cannot grant protection to some of our citizens and not others. Anyone care to remember Jim Crow laws?

Housing discrimination refers to discrimination against potential or current tenants by landlords. In the United States, there is no federal law against such discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity, and only thirteen states along with many major cities have enacted laws prohibiting it. What the US needs is a Federal Law that protects gays in ALL 50 states and we don't have that. It's called Civil Rights and equal protection under the law.

Many people will do anything they can to stop the normalization and acceptance of gay people into society as a result of their extremist religious views but no matter what they think the Bible says, 10% of the world's population is gay and always has been! And those numbers don't even include bi-sexuals which is a huge group of people. I know people will want to argue that number, but what needs to be assesed here is the number of gay people that will never make it public out of fear of discrimination and being ostracized from their families and communities. People are born gay, they don't wake up one day and choose it, so at some point, it would be good to start accepting that fact.

Religious extremists (and I say extremists here) have always feared evolution and diversity because that would mean they are unclear about what their religion means to them. They are the ones needing definitions for everything. I have seen the world fight for Jews. I have seen the USA fight for blacks and their equality and their protection under our constitutional laws. Who will fight for the gays? I thought Obama would but clearly I am wrong. Harvey Milk did in the 1970's until he was assassinated in his workplace, SF City Hall, where he was a city Supervisor.

I hope people begin to realize that the definition of marriage changed a long time ago when people were granted the right to marry someone outside of their religion , and then outside of their race (thank god!). The definition of marriage has changed (evolved) several times before. Marriage in today's world is a social institution, but many people will insist it is a religious institution--If this was the case, then Catholics should not be allowed to marry Protestants (under the laws of marriage) and Christians shall be forbidden to marry Jews and so on and so forth. I can think of plenty of marriages that would be illegal if this mentality existed today.

Just when I thought we put in a progressive man in office that would choose to do what's right, and protect all people, he delivered a harsh blow to gay people everywhere. Obama said in his defense speech around choosing Warren that everyone knows he's a fierce advocate for gay rights and their equality. Really? I don't feel that way. I don't even know anymore who will take this on and demand it be a civil rights issue that we start working on fixing now. I feel saddened by the truth of this dim lighted situation gays face. I thought things would be changing for everyone for the better but Obama just killed that notion fast.

I realized yesterday again, that we have a long hard road ahead and the enthusiasm I hoped to feel surrounding Obama's historical inauguration has now been tainted. These are people's lives on the line, and it's a very thin and fragile line until we see Federal Legislation put forth that will protect America's last unprotected minority citizens, the gay population of all 50 states.

I hope you will take action and start speaking to your friends and family on behalf of this very serious civil rights issue. Gay people, like all people, deserve protection under the law. This is not a religion debate.

I have been with my partner for 22 years now. We are raising a son, who is now two. It was extremely important and meaningful to us, as well as to our family and friends, that we honor our long term relationship - and our son - by getting married. The night before our wedding, my family and friends all gathered at El Coyote restaurant to celebrate. We had a wonderful time at El Coyote that night and, collectively, spent hundreds of dollars.

Now I've learned that Marjorie Christofferson, the owner of El Coyote was a contributor to the Yes on Proposition 8 campaign.

I feel violated.

Like I ordered a margarita and a taco, but was instead served the dissolution of my marriage and the loss of my family's civil rights.

Oh wait - that is what happened.

I am horrified to realize I'd funded my own discrimination.

Needless to say, this was a terrible shock, and I can never step foot in that restaurant again. To me, it's akin to asking a black family to frequent the soul food restaurant owned by a Klansman, or a Jew to dine at the Kosher Deli run by a Nazi war criminal. People who are not gay may construe these comparisons as overheated. Those who are gay, growing up terrified to even hold the hand of the person they love, will not.

Since the gay and lesbian community has been disrespected and marginalized for so many generations now, no one realizes the full scope of the shocking, violent, often murderous discrimination that continues, to this day, to be levied against our people. Even the gay community itself doesn't fully realize it. We've been so busy creating our own little safe havens, protecting ourselves from the hatred and bigotry that we know is out there, that we've neglected to come together as a people - outside of the occasional White Party, of course, or the latest farewell tour from Cher.

But it's serious now, and I think people have suddenly realized it. The bubbles have been burst, the safe havens ransacked. When I woke up on Wednesday morning, I looked into the eyes of my two year old son, just waking up in his crib, and my heart broke. I couldn't imagine how I could possibly explain to him the five million people who just voted against his family, against his Daddy and his Papa, against the wedding where he so admirably carried his parents' rings down the aisle. I could feel the hatred seeping in through the windows of our home, the slime dripping off the walls. I felt victimized. I even considered taking my ring off.

But then the love, support and strength started to trickle in, bubbling up through the phone calls and the emails, and a new determination started to harden in my stomach. The day ended at the intersection of Santa Monica and San Vincente, with my husband by my side and my son in my arms, surrounded by a chorus of thousands, chanting for restoration of our community's equal rights.

My shattered marriage was pieced back together by that strong, bracing chorus, and a new day was born for our community.

With that new day comes new strength - and new responsibility. Personally, I think the "blacklists" that are being sent around, outing contributors to Prop 8, are a bit much. I think it's time to educate, not attack, and we all know where the education needs to take place. I can't step back into El Coyote for very personal reasons, but I'm not going to picket outside the office of some Mormon orthodontist in Orange County for his $500 contribution. But I do hope Marjorie Christofferson - and that orthodontist, while we're at it - does learn the lesson. She needs to know that we, as a people, are not the monolithic evil her Mormon church has convinced her we are, but rather the individual human beings that have comprised her staff, her friends, her community and customers - those same people that have kept her restaurant in business for years now, bought her house and sent her children to school. Her church asks her to separate the "sin" from the "sinner," because they know this makes it easier to discriminate. She has been convinced that she's supporting the opposition of sin, and not discriminating against her friends and customers. She is wrong, and the Mormon church that brainwashes her into believing this is wrong as well.

More importantly, however, I've come to believe that we need to defend the Mormons' right to be wrong. Yes, you heard me. The Mormons should be able to say and do whatever they want within the four walls of their own church. But that's where it must end. Their specific religious beliefs should have never been allowed to come within shouting distance of the state's constitution.

I was married to my husband in a Lutheran church by a loving, intelligent, devout pastor, who sanctioned our marriage with all his heart and soul. He believes that God was present in that church, at our wedding. And so do I. Nobody - and I mean nobody - should be allowed to mess with that.

That is my church - our church - and everyone else needs to stay out of it. That, my friends, is what's known as religious freedom. Remember that old chestnut? The whole basis of this country's founding? Is this ringing any bells? My Lutheran church does not believe the way Mormons believe, and Mormons don't believe the way Lutherans believe. Or Episcopalians. Or progressive Jews. Mormons don't want gay marriage? Great! Then we won't get married in your temple. You can no longer protest gay marriage on religious grounds. You can only protest gay marriage on your religious grounds. You leave our church alone, and we'll leave yours.

This has all gone dangerously beyond what is already a violation of church/state separation. Now that over 18,000 same-sex couples have been married in the state of California, many of us in churches who welcome and celebrate our love, this has become a matter of religious freedom, pure and simple.

Leave my marriage alone. And, while you're at it, leave my church alone too.

http://realgaytruth.blogspot.com/