I saw Outrage on Friday. Besides being supportive, I was curious. I am always looking for agreement, camaraderie, unity. I found the movie’s premise lost under the weight of the title. Even watching the movie makers on the View that morning, it wasn’t readily obvious that author and blogger, Michael Rogers was objecting to closeted people voting against their very people they have relationships with. Closeted gay men in politics are voting against HIV/AIDS funding, against gay marriage, against making crimes against LGBT people a hate crime. It is the chasm between their sexual orientation and their visible, measurable, callous voting record. Frankly, for me, it begs the question, would they be less stalwart if they were straight.

The characters in the movie, opening with Larry Craig, were all recognizable. Those of us who read gay news are aware of these men and their voting records. I have to admit, I have zero idea what this looks like to straight people. Heck, I got emails this week asking me if Adam Lambert is gay – straights see things very differently than I do. Governor McGreevey was bright, radiant – no really – like someone who just discovered deep spiritual relief. Governor Crist was slimy and resistant; what is the opposite of present?

A paragraph on women ~ Elizabeth Birch of the Human Right Campaign was terrific, moving and honest. Rep. Tammy Baldwin of Wisconsin was open and relaxed. Oh but the wives, the terrified wives, standing next to the pathetic closeted husbands at counterfeit press conferences; Mrs. Craig, Mrs. McGreevey, Mrs. Crist. Actually there are thousands of straight spouses who are trapped infraudulent lives, holding their families together. How the gay spouse can do this is really beyond me. I kissed a girl, I liked it and I came out; all within about 5 seconds. And it is no secret that there are many, many lesbians and bi women in politics ( no I have not slept with all of them) but I can tell you that I have never seen them vote against LGBT rights or human rights for that matter.

But what really bothered me, deeply bothered me, was one clip of Larry Kramer, beloved founder of Act-Up. Certainly this brave hero of the LGBT movement said dozens of quote-ables during the taping but what they chose to show was Mr. Kramer saying that activism comes from rage, from anger. For me it was like hearing nails on a chalkboard. I have spent over 40 years working to deepen my understanding and practice that successful, lasting activism comes from love. You cannot convert the opponent by burning his car, breaking her windows, clubbing their kids. Fear will never create conversion. (aren’t we having a national conversation about torture on this right now?)

However, more importantly, the oppressed will become poisoned by the violence. The minority has to find love in their heart and become irresistible. That is the only way to create a healthy movement, a true lasting conversion and extinguish fear. I was fortunate to spend some time with Jeremy Gilley, the British filmmaker who is creating International Peace Day, through his film-making of Peace One Day and The Day After Peace. I told him that I am not as worried about those who die by gunshot as I am about those who pull the trigger as they live on with their hearts broken. Violence is intoxicating, contagious and another disease – like homophobia.

Tuesday, May 26 is California’s Day Of Decision. On Facebook, the White Night Riots video has been viraling around. I want to tell people that clearly those 1979 riots did not work or we would not be rising up for our rights in 2009. Releasing of violence may be billed as good for you but it isn’t. It is not some limited energy that must be spent. It is a viral, burgeoning disease that only attracts itself. If you are angry, you deserve to be loved. If you are homophobic, you need to love and be loved. No matter what happens on Tuesday, extinguishing anger with love is the only way that will last.