Prop 8; They're nailing "Choice" to our foreheads
| By Unknown user - Feb 4, 2010 8:25:36 AM PT |
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Tags: choose to be gay, gay lifestyle, gay marriage, lifestyle choice, Prop_8
Tags: choose to be gay, gay lifestyle, gay marriage, lifestyle choice, Prop_8
I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve had my head in the sand and haven’t read, watched or heard much about the Prop 8 Trial currently underway in California. I have, however, checked the websites and blogs for a quick catch-up and found it’s going pretty much as I expected, which is probably why I’ve not paid much attention. The decision to not allow cameras to expose the bigotry and fear that is the heart of Prop 8, the ballot measure in California that changed the state constitution and stripped same sex couples of the right to marry, seemed an all too familiar gag on the truth. How can it be anything but proper for a democratic society to be given the opportunity to bear witness to the testimony at hand? I’m feeling the frustration again....
The voters of California, I believe, are not bigots. (The authors and big financial supporters of Prop 8 are a different story.) But they are grossly uninformed. The core of this whole issue boils down to the fact that the majority of people believe homosexuals choose to be gay. Some will say that you can be gay and not choose the “homosexual lifestyle”. Semantics aside, they think being gay is a choice. And while laws can be tossed aside as unconstitutional and rights can be restored, the animus will not fade to the annals of history until it is understood on a deep and profound level that sexual orientation is not chosen. We are born gay.
The bottom line is that the majority thinks being gay is something you CHOOSE. Or at the very least, something you can choose to NOT be. Our choices in life can be influenced, and the choices made by children are even more susceptible to influence; by teachers, parents, aunts and uncles, the media, etc. Our fate at the polls took a turn for the worse when the proponents of Prop 8 convinced the population that gay marriage would be “taught in the schools”. What does that even mean?! It means that no American parent wants their kid to be gay and they are terrified of the prospect. If gay is a choice, then gay is a possibility, and they would rather strip us of our rights than run the risk of their kids being influenced to choose gay.
They are terrified that their straight kids could choose to be gay and their gay kids could summon the courage to come out of the closet. They fear that if gay relationships are taught to be acceptable, if gay relationships are proven to be stable, sustainable sources of love and joy, then straight kids with no same sex inclinations may choose to go gay. They fear that if the lead weight of bigotry was lifted and the tools it employs to keep so many shamed and terrified in the closet were rendered useless, then those who would normally deny their true selves due to fear of god’s eternal wrath, parental disowning, church banishment and community rejection, could see a happy, healthy and fulfilling alternative and choose to come out of the closet and accept their true sexuality. Either way, it all boils down to the frustratingly common fallacy that one chooses their sexual orientation like one chooses flannel over chenille, or vice versa.
Those who claim they have no prejudice against gays and are just trying to protect “traditional marriage” are not being truthful with themselves. Do they hate us? Some do, some don’t. The more important reality is they don’t understand how we came to be gay. Ignorance is the breeding ground for fear and hatred, and the proponents of Prop 8 very successfully tapped into the innermost fear held by the VAST majority of straight voters: that their kids could grow up to be gay. Their tactics are subtle, but the effect is enormous. All of the Prop 8 propaganda I’ve seen says things like “we love our gay neighbors and respect their lifestyle choice” before going on to enumerate the litany of catastrophic events that could take place if children were taught that it’s OK to be who you are, even if that is gay. They’re nailing “choice” to our foreheads.
I ask those fighting to “protect traditional marriage” which tradition of marriage they speak of? The truth is marriage has been a constantly evolving institution for centuries. Wives are no longer bought and sold with a dowry. Polygamy is no longer accepted (except, it should be noted, by those who claim the right based on religious beliefs, and those are usually the men, and not the 16 year old girls staring down the barrel of a life of sexual servitude, misogyny, and forced and continual child bearing). Brothers are no longer required to take the hand of their dead brother’s wife. Blacks and Whites can now legally marry. All of these evolutions have been, at the core, the result of the very human tradition of striving for personal freedoms.
Freedom to marry the person you love, freedom to control your own destiny.
The rally cry for the gay community has been to “tell our stories.” And I agree. Research shows that if people feel they know a gay person or couple, they are less likely to vote against our rights. That’s only true in part. While all of my co-workers would certainly vote against a law that tried to legalize workplace discrimination, some clearly voted to disallow gay marriage. We all tip toe around the heart of the matter, and thereby we all fail to tell the truth that really needs to be told. My story is that I’m an American and I have a birthright to all the same freedoms as everyone else, pure and simple. My story is that I live in a country where forces are at play to make the bible, and not the US Constitution, the law of the land. My story is that god made me this way.
It is very hurtful to my psyche to know that my very humanity is on trial. Yes, our stories need to be told, but only if they strive to prove the point that we did not choose to be gay. In a perfect world, that wouldn’t matter, but let’s be practical. It does. While we are a minority, we could blend in if we wanted. The choice isn’t to be gay, the choice is to live truthfully. The world needs to really understand this to really understand us. Just as we can’t choose to be straight, straight kids can’t choose to be gay. The threat is imagined. It is only by accepting this most important truth that all the laws, hatred, and bible thumping in the world will be seen as useless attempts to change what can not be changed. True equality, and through that harmony, will only be reached when acceptance replaces fear and love becomes the tradition we all defend.
The voters of California, I believe, are not bigots. (The authors and big financial supporters of Prop 8 are a different story.) But they are grossly uninformed. The core of this whole issue boils down to the fact that the majority of people believe homosexuals choose to be gay. Some will say that you can be gay and not choose the “homosexual lifestyle”. Semantics aside, they think being gay is a choice. And while laws can be tossed aside as unconstitutional and rights can be restored, the animus will not fade to the annals of history until it is understood on a deep and profound level that sexual orientation is not chosen. We are born gay.
The bottom line is that the majority thinks being gay is something you CHOOSE. Or at the very least, something you can choose to NOT be. Our choices in life can be influenced, and the choices made by children are even more susceptible to influence; by teachers, parents, aunts and uncles, the media, etc. Our fate at the polls took a turn for the worse when the proponents of Prop 8 convinced the population that gay marriage would be “taught in the schools”. What does that even mean?! It means that no American parent wants their kid to be gay and they are terrified of the prospect. If gay is a choice, then gay is a possibility, and they would rather strip us of our rights than run the risk of their kids being influenced to choose gay.
They are terrified that their straight kids could choose to be gay and their gay kids could summon the courage to come out of the closet. They fear that if gay relationships are taught to be acceptable, if gay relationships are proven to be stable, sustainable sources of love and joy, then straight kids with no same sex inclinations may choose to go gay. They fear that if the lead weight of bigotry was lifted and the tools it employs to keep so many shamed and terrified in the closet were rendered useless, then those who would normally deny their true selves due to fear of god’s eternal wrath, parental disowning, church banishment and community rejection, could see a happy, healthy and fulfilling alternative and choose to come out of the closet and accept their true sexuality. Either way, it all boils down to the frustratingly common fallacy that one chooses their sexual orientation like one chooses flannel over chenille, or vice versa.
Those who claim they have no prejudice against gays and are just trying to protect “traditional marriage” are not being truthful with themselves. Do they hate us? Some do, some don’t. The more important reality is they don’t understand how we came to be gay. Ignorance is the breeding ground for fear and hatred, and the proponents of Prop 8 very successfully tapped into the innermost fear held by the VAST majority of straight voters: that their kids could grow up to be gay. Their tactics are subtle, but the effect is enormous. All of the Prop 8 propaganda I’ve seen says things like “we love our gay neighbors and respect their lifestyle choice” before going on to enumerate the litany of catastrophic events that could take place if children were taught that it’s OK to be who you are, even if that is gay. They’re nailing “choice” to our foreheads.
I ask those fighting to “protect traditional marriage” which tradition of marriage they speak of? The truth is marriage has been a constantly evolving institution for centuries. Wives are no longer bought and sold with a dowry. Polygamy is no longer accepted (except, it should be noted, by those who claim the right based on religious beliefs, and those are usually the men, and not the 16 year old girls staring down the barrel of a life of sexual servitude, misogyny, and forced and continual child bearing). Brothers are no longer required to take the hand of their dead brother’s wife. Blacks and Whites can now legally marry. All of these evolutions have been, at the core, the result of the very human tradition of striving for personal freedoms.
Freedom to marry the person you love, freedom to control your own destiny.
The rally cry for the gay community has been to “tell our stories.” And I agree. Research shows that if people feel they know a gay person or couple, they are less likely to vote against our rights. That’s only true in part. While all of my co-workers would certainly vote against a law that tried to legalize workplace discrimination, some clearly voted to disallow gay marriage. We all tip toe around the heart of the matter, and thereby we all fail to tell the truth that really needs to be told. My story is that I’m an American and I have a birthright to all the same freedoms as everyone else, pure and simple. My story is that I live in a country where forces are at play to make the bible, and not the US Constitution, the law of the land. My story is that god made me this way.
It is very hurtful to my psyche to know that my very humanity is on trial. Yes, our stories need to be told, but only if they strive to prove the point that we did not choose to be gay. In a perfect world, that wouldn’t matter, but let’s be practical. It does. While we are a minority, we could blend in if we wanted. The choice isn’t to be gay, the choice is to live truthfully. The world needs to really understand this to really understand us. Just as we can’t choose to be straight, straight kids can’t choose to be gay. The threat is imagined. It is only by accepting this most important truth that all the laws, hatred, and bible thumping in the world will be seen as useless attempts to change what can not be changed. True equality, and through that harmony, will only be reached when acceptance replaces fear and love becomes the tradition we all defend.
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