I went to bed last Tuesday elated, relaxed, invigorated and ready for the future. An African American had won the election and minorities would have doors thrown open, children forever imprinted with the picture of little African American girls in the White House, a job well-done and a new puppy! It was all just fantastic.

But since Wednesday morning I have become increasingly crushed. I came "out" thirty-two years ago. I have been open, spoken on behalf of all oppressed people. I was prepared for the catholics and conservatives that populate my Orange County neighborhood to vote for prop 8. I always found it knda fun - to be this big ole fat white lady who proudly said, "I have been L, G, B, and, now, settle for queer."

Dr. King told us about his dream on my 15th birthday and I gave it my best - to judge by character not skin color. But last night, on ABC news, I saw an African American women explain that homosexuality is against the bible so 80% of African Americans voted Yes on 8. I wonder what is my lesson; what should I conclude from this? I have been on the verge of tears for two days - am I just supposed to be ok with this?

As you might guess, my phone has rung and my email box is filled with my feminist friends just besides themselves with joy about President-elect Obama. I just can't get off the phone fast enough - and don't know what to say. I feel heart-broken. I have forty-five years into asking white people to not let skin color enter into their decision making about society. I have thirty-two years into not being straight. All I can really tell you is - I feel like I just broke-up. I am so lonely over this.